Jousting with My Shopping Trolley

When I enter the supermarket I’ve actually enter a medieval jousting tournament. My trolley is my horse and as usual I’ve picked a lame one. One of the wheels is sticking but it was fine outside the shop. I decide to carry on, not wanting to waste anymore time by going back only to picking another lame one.

As I approach the fruit and vegetables I spot my first opponent. They have the better trolley and a good command of it. We’ve make eye contact and we both want to go down the same narrow space left in the middle of a congested aisle. There’s a short pause before one of us makes a move and it’s me. I just want some carrots and what seems to be a very mundane task has become a battle of wills. But, all my efforts are wasted when another shopper block’s my path by pushing their trolley in front of me only to get some spuds. I’m left to pick up second prize the unwanted scrawny carrots left by my opponent but I’m not defended and move onto diary.

It’s cold down there and there’s tension in the air. We all want to get out of this is aisle as quickly as possible. There’s a lot of posturing, looks and I Finally get out unmarked.

Going down dried groceries is easier said than done. There many obstacles, mainly other shoppers stopping for a chat. They oblivious to everyone one else wanting to get passed them or someone wanting something off the shelf they are standing by.

But, I’ve survived the joust around the store and now make my way to the checkouts. I’ve spotted a free one and check for a challenger. I have one, my first opponent who had taken all the good carrots. So, for the second time, we make eye contact but this time I have the advantage. Their trolley is overloaded with mostly barbecue food and MY CARROTS. This time I feel victory is mine, my bad wheel is on my left and I have to turn left. So, I’m going to go for it and so is my opponent. But, we are both beating on the last leg of the race by another shoppers. They have come out of the end of the aisle by the free checkouts and straight to it.

It was a relief to get home but whilst unpacking I realised I’ve forgotten the bread. So, I have to return to the shop to take part in a different ritual. The ten item or less queue where everyone checks for someone who has eleven or more items. Anyone who has will be severely punished with a glares from the rest of us.

What makes me human!

Is it two faced to wish someone the best if you’ve never got on with them? OR is it human decency to have empathy for them and their situation? It isn’t the same to not care about someone we hate because of what they done to us! Not getting on with someone is different to me and I hope I always remember their a human being. To do anything else would be callous and cruel like the people we hate!

How to deal with a Crocodile

How to deal with a Crocodile

A big hungry crocodile waited for his lunch by a river when along came a little boy.
“Hello,” said the crocodile.
The little boy stopped, “Hello, I’ve not met a crocodile before.”
“I’ve met lots of little boys,” said the crocodile.
“You have? How many?” asked the little boy and the crocodile’s hungry belly rumbled the answer.
“Are you hungry?” asked the little boy.
“I am,” said the crocodile.
“And what do crocodiles eat?”
“Cake!”
“I have lots of cakes at home.”
“You do?”
“Yes,” said the little boy, “My friends are coming for tea.”
“Are they little boys like you?” asked the crocodile, who’s belly rumbled some more.
“Yes, just like me.”
“Can I come to tea as well? I’m hungry for some cakes,” said the crocodile.
“That would be fun,” said the little boy, “I don’t think my friends have seen a crocodile before.”
So the crocodile followed the little boy to the village where he lived and they stopped outside a shop.
“Your home is a bakery” said the crocodile, “And what’s being baked today?”
“Pies,” said the little boy and they went into the shop. Inside there were lots of different cakes, cream ones, chocolate ones, fruit ones and sticky ones.
“And where are the pies,” asked the crocodile.
“They have not been made yet.”
“And where are the little boys?”
“They are not here but they will be coming soon,” said the little boy.
“How soon?” asked the crocodile.
“Very soon,” said the little boy.
“Good,” said the crocodile and his belly rumbled some more.
“I’ll take you out the back where we will meet them,” said the little boy.
They went into the back room and here there was a big oven where all the cakes and pies were baked.
“That’s a big oven,” said the crocodile.
“It has to be, think of all those cakes and pies that need to be baked every day.”
“And will we have tea here?” asked the crocodile, “I can’t see anything here for a tea party.”
“It won’t take long to sort everything out,” said the little boy.
“Before the little boys get here?” asked the crocodile.
“Oh, yes. But!”
“But?” said the crocodile.
“First, we will have to disguise you,” said the little boy.
“Why?” asked the crocodile.
“You might scare them, they’ve not seen a crocodile before and you are a big crocodile” said the little boy and he placed a hat and a pair of sun glasses on the crocodile’s head.
“Am I disguised?”
“No! you’re not.”
“What should we do now?” asked the crocodile.
“I know,” said the little boy, “We can cover you in pastry,” and he covered the crocodile in pastry.
“Well! Am I disguised now?”
“No, you still look like a crocodile.”
“So what are we going to do?” asked the crocodile.
The little boy scratched his head and said “I know, I can hide you.”
“But, where?”
“In the oven,” said the little boy, “And we had better be quick, my friends will be here soon.”
“The little boys will be here soon!?” and the crocodile’s belly rumbled some more.
“Quick! quick!” said the little boy, he opened the oven door and the crocodile walked in.
The little boy slammed the door and said, “Yum, my favourite, crocodile pie.”

A Frog’s Kiss

A frog waited for the first princess of the day to come and he didn’t have to wait long. She wore a pretty long dress, had pretty long hair and wore a pretty crown on her head.
“Are you going to kiss me?” asked the frog.
“Yes!” said the princess, “I’m looking for my prince.”
So, She picked up the Frog and gave him a kiss.
She opened her eyes and looked at the frog, “You’re still a frog.”
“I know,” said the frog, “What if you let me kiss you instead, you never know it might work.”
“I’ve never tried that before,” said the princess, “I’ll try anything to find my prince,” and she closed her eyes and pushed out her lips.
The frog opened his mouth and rolled out his tongue and licked the princess across the face.
“Ah, what was that?” shrieked the princess and she dropped the frog.
“A frog kiss,” said the frog, “Don’t you like it? Not one princess has liked my kiss and I was hoping you would be the first.”
“You’ve done THAT to other princesses?” asked the princess.
“Hundreds!” said the frog.
“HUNDREDS!” said the princess, “That’s disgusting.”
“I enjoy it.” said the frog.
“Yuck!” said the princess, while wiping her face with the sleeve of her dress.
And, before the frog could say another thing the princess had run away. But, He didn’t have to wait long for the next princess to come along and maybe she will like a frog’s kiss.